Plucking my tits & a peevish uterus

I'm reposting the few posts I made when I first started this blog, just so they're all here in one place.

Re-posted from original blog space on 30 April 2012:

Here is my original comment I wrote on Cate Pearce's 'Dial M for Menopause' blog which earned some encouragement to start one of my own:

Oh joy. Another period, less than 28 days since the last one, which was the first in three months. Weird and unexpected. And lame, like it's only trying halfheartedly. The deep red flow of my fecund days has given way to an almost anaemic trickle, sometimes barely a smear. Hardly worth it really. I'd rather it just stopped altogether because this is just embarrassing.

And can we talk about hair? WTF's going on with the hair? I'm fair but a few months ago I discovered a hair which I believe rightly belonged to my partner and had clearly transplanted itself from him to me, growing just to the right of my mouth. A dark, thick, man-like hair. Needless to say it went the way of the tweezers immediately but it CAME BACK! And was just as quickly removed again. Now I'm worried. Will there be more? Will they also be black and bristly? Will I start paying attention to ads for men's razors? Will I grow a beard? Terrifying thought as I'm blonde and pale. And the breast hairs. What's that about please? Not as tough or dark as the facial hair but still definitely there. I seem to spend an inordinate amount of time plucking these out of my boobs lately and I'm less than impressed. FFS I've never even plucked my eyebrows now I'm plucking my tits? This is horribly unfair and I want to know who I can lodge my complaint to.

As a bit of background, without giving too much away, my partner is just about to turn 40 and freaking out a little about it. Since I'll be 49 in October and therefore "the F word" next year, this makes me laugh. But in a weird, freaked-out kind of way! We have been together just over nine years and I don't know how he will react to having a menopausal partner. This brings its own extra set of anxieties to me.

Now, less than 48 hours after that comment, my uterus, clearly miffed at being publicly mocked for not producing work up to its usual standard, has hit back, giving me the heaviest period I've had in...actually I think ever. I'm bleeding copiously and passing clots (which I've never done in my menstrual history) and experiencing period pain like I did when I was a teenager before mum put me on the Pill to regulate and limit my periods. It's horrible.

Why is this happening? I knew to expect erratic periods but I thought that related to timing. Does it also mean changing in intensity from barely there to Niagara Falls too? Perhaps this is the last hurrah and the event organisers are now in cleaning out the venue for the last time? Who knows? I sure as hell don't.

Pass me another pad!

[First published on 30.4.2012 on original Wordpress blog]