Monday, 21 May 2012

Blood or urine? Depends!

I had a really bad bout of bronchitis a few weeks ago.  The bronchitis has gone but the hacking cough still remains.

That's annoying enough (and made worse by the apparent early arrival of winter in Melbourne, the thin air making me cough even harder) but it's the damned bladder control that's driving me mental.

Honestly. I'm so sick of hacking my guts up only to feel that terrible squirt as my formerly proudly tight (toight, loik a toiger) pelvic floor muscles decide it's just all too hard and let go, resulting in wet knickers and a red face.

I need to start travelling with pads all the time, I've decided.  I got caught off-guard on the weekend.  There we were, strolling through the romantically gorgeous little town of Maldon (seriously, check it out - you'll love it!) when I started coughing...and suddenly felt that decidedly UNromantic squirt of urine.  I told my sweetheart that I had to get to a shop asap and get some pads.  Concerned, he asked "are you bleeding again". Me: "um, no, but I am coughing a lot..." "Oh...I see" was all he said.  Oooh yeah, I'm bringin' sexeh back alright.

Wet knickers are never an option so I raced into the little supermarket and grabbed some pads, asking where a public toilet was.  The woman behind the counter was very sympathetic and let me use their staff loo.  What annoys me most though is that I was too embarrassed to say what was actually going on, instead making up something about unexpected perimenipausal bleeding.  Why though? Obviously blood is acceptable, urine is not.  But I just didn't want to say "I'm wetting myself every time I cough and have to pad up to cope".  Obviously I am more vain than I realised. Years ago, I always made sure I never went anywhere without a spare pair of knickers in my bag. I'm about to start doing that again, only for entirely different reasons now, sadly!


  1. I have this problem, and it so sucks big time. Stress incontinence. coughing, laughing, lifting heavy fings, you name it, can set it off, and its not sexy. The worse part is the idea that after all those years of wearing pads, and carrying pads, and making sure I have enough pads, just when there was light at the end of the tunnel, along comes a dodgy pelvic floor.
    The pelvic floor exercises they recommended after giving birth do actually help to strengthen the muscles a bit. I went off to see an incontinence specialist just to make sure it wasn't something nasty, and she suggested the exercises. Also, if you know the cough is coming, sit, or bend, it seems to make it easier to tighten the muscles.
    FFS, I am a smart, sexy girl ,and giving advice on how I go about not peeing my pants. I feel decidedly disapointed.

  2. I think we should join hands and sing:

    "Sometimes it's haaaard, to be a womannnnnn"

    And that's the thing Dory, how do we reconcile our sexy selves with this stress incontinence and mental menstruation stuff?

    There needs to be a reckoning!

    1. Madame, I WILL be sexy. If its the last thing I ever do. This stuff can bite me. If we can do child birth, and boys and school canteen, we can do stress incontinence and mental menstruation.
      We are amazing, we just need to remember that. Oh and take care of ourselves. we deserve it. I really believe that this can be one of the best times of my life, cos these day I REALLY don't give a shit what others think. I used to say I didn't, but I did. Now I don't. I love it.
      I ammm Woooommman, hear me roooar

  3. See, here's the thing. I KNOW I am all of the things that Dory mentions, BUT, sitting on the couch last night, unable to get up in front of company because I had wet my pants AGAIN.. well.. teh sexey, she is not being felt. And when I am reveling in ma sexey, there is a teeny tiny rather anxious voice in my head muttering maniacally "Why did you wear navy? It shows more on navy? I TOLD you to wear black." Best time of our lives? Newp. Not yet, not for me, anyway.

  4. Purple Goddess, it sounds like you are not having a good time. Are the pee episodes set off by coughing or laughing, that kind of thing, or is it just a woops, there it goes incident?


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